The Warped Wall

The Warped Wall or the Wall of Death as Kristie refers to it is not as daunting as it used to be. My gym’s wall is steeper than the one on the show and has spaces to grab at 10ft, 11ft, 12ft, 13ft, and 14ft. (The Warped Wall is 14ft high on the show.) Once I have grabbed 10ft with my right hand. I am working on conquering the 10ft wall. I am making progress and hope to soon conquer the 10 footer! 

Gird Up Your Loins

Dear November of 2011 Self,

            Congratulations on finally making the choice to start a family. Gird thy loins for the path to conception is long. You will lose patience and hope, but God will fulfill your desires.

Dear January of 2013 Self,

            The loss of your first child will have innumerable fallout. Gird your loins for a difficult year. You will be unbearable to live with. You will avoid dealing with reality and channel your anger towards your husband. You will drive him away. He will become distant. Your bond will be tested. God will heal your relationship and bless you with a second child. You will see her little body and hear her heartbeat. You shall name her Ava.

Dear September of 2014 Self,

            You will begin the school year on a joyful note. Gird your loins for a deep depression. It will feel as if the walls are caving in on all sides. Difficulties and changes at work will compound your grief. Negativity will ooze out or your pores making kid gloves necessary to handle you. A conversation with a work colleague will restore a right view. You will stop getting in your own way. God will bless you with a third child.

Dear June of 2015 Self,

            You will the wall and shatter. Gird your loins for this time you will rise as a phoenix. You will become utterly helpless as stress-induced vertigo breaks you down. You will stop obsessing about a family and reach for another goal:  American Ninja Warrior. You will gird your loins to overcome obstacles, to have fun, and to restore balance. God blesses you daily with a loving husband and countless other blessings.

Dear October of 2015 Self,

            Gird your loins for no matter what life throws at you, the Lord your God is with you. Blessed be His name. Hallelujah.

Ivy

Full Definition of Ivy

1:  “a plant that has long stems and that often grows on the outsides of buildings” (from Merriam-Webster)

2:  “The name Ivy comes from the English origin. In English The meaning of the name Ivy is: Faithfulness.” (from Baby Names)

3:  my paternal grandfather’s middle name

4:  our first child’s name

Letters to Eve

4 Weeks, 3 Days Pregnant                                                        4/19/15

Dear Little One,

We have known of your existence for two days. We suspected you were there for longer. We only had your siblings 1 ½ weeks each. If your visit is only 1 ½ weeks, we hope for a special time together.

I am a teeny bit excited about meeting you. Mostly I am scared out of my mind. I am scared God will take you away like he did with your siblings. I am finding it hard to thank God for you. I am thankful for another chance. You are supposed to make your arrival on Christmas Eve.

I am not ready for the exhaustion you will bring. There are five weeks until summer vacation. The end is coming soon. You will get to meet two groups of students: this year’s and next.

We hope to meet you soon.

                                                                                      XOXO

                                                                                      Mom

4 Weeks, 4 Days Pregnant                                                        4/20/15

I am still scared out of my mind. I am dealing with a queasy stomach. I managed not to puke today. Thank you Lord for that. I wish I could live each day to the fullest not worrying if we will lose this baby. Oh Lord. Is it our time yet? Will you grant us this soul, or will you take it away? I feel like I’m living each moment in fear. Thank you for helping me get through today. I will need your help again tomorrow. Please calm my heart. Please help me trust. My faith is weak.