Loss, in general, is hard. When
someone is grieving a loss, the right words seem to be missing in action. When
someone has a miscarriage, knowing what to say is still a struggle. Maybe even
more so. Many people want to convey sympathy, offer comfort, and offer
solutions.
According to Coach there is no
right thing to say. You are darned if you say something, and darned if you
don’t. Losing a child prematurely is such a struggle that the depression and
sensitivity were extreme for me. I was offended when people offered suggestions
and sympathy at the same time. I was offended when people said the wrong thing.
I was offended when people said nothing. My loss felt so great that it was
difficult to console me.
Now, as I am on the other side of
extreme grief, I am able to see consolation in a different light. Some people
have no idea what to say (or what not to say), but they just want to console.
Other people want to help, so they suggest adoption. Some people share their
story, so the griever can know they are not alone and that they can get through
it. In the midst of my grief I did not want advice or even to know there was
another side. I just wanted to grieve…and wallow in self-pity.
What parents who have miscarried and
are grieving should know is that they are not alone. This loss has been felt by
others before. As Mum points out many people who share their story want the
grieving to know they made it to the other side. There is another side; there
is an end to extreme grief.
Knowing what to say is hard, but I
want to believe that most people just want to help. I know there are malicious
insensitive people, but I choose to hold onto the good. The next time I am
comforted, I will choose to see the best in people.
